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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?